Okay, so by now it's more like 102 days.... But who has time to really blog these days? The past 100 days have been such an interesting and amazing adventure. Being a Mom is probably the best thing in the world!!! When I walk into her room in the morning and she's awake in her crib just chilling, and then the moment she sees my face she smiles, it's basically one of the best feelings ever! Being a Mom is incredibly rewarding, and also incredibly exhausting! We all know that I could go on and on about how awesome my little Ani is, but I want to focus more on my past 100 days post-pregnancy.
The instant Ani was pushed out of my body, I instantly felt better. Well... as better as you can feel after just having a baby that is. I no longer had morning sickness, only occasional heartburn, and my back was no longer constantly aching. After a few weeks of settling into my new life, my thoughts turned to losing the baby weight. Ugh! Worst thoughts ever! I was lucky enough to not gain a ton while pregnant, but the last 11 pounds, refuse to drop. Have I been doing everything I possibly could in order to lose the weight? No. But in my defense, it's hard to find time when I work about 60 hours a week. Every day I say that tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow I will go for a run. Tomorrow I won't eat so badly. Tomorrow I will only drink water. Lack of motivation and exhaustion are completely to blame for my out of shape body. People keep saying it's only been 3 months, but I feel like I should be at least back to where I was before. This might be because I blog stalk and facebook stalk and celebrity stalk all of these people (most of whom I don't even know, and some of which who get paid millions of dollars to lose the baby weight) who just have had babies and look 100% amazing! Is it really necessary to run marathons and to fit in your old jeans within a month after having a baby???? It's totally not fair, but it's not very smart of me either. I don't ever want my daughter to deal with these emotions! A lack of self-esteem is possibly one of the worst things ever! It's depressing and heart breaking. I feel awful for Spencer for having to deal with my depression, but he does it so well! He is an AMAZING husband! It's just so hard to not compare myself to others, and to not feel as though everyone is judging me when in reality nobody even cares. And that's the way that it should be. We shouldn't judge one another regarding looks or weight, but unfortunately that is not the world that we live in. It's something that I want to do my best to protect Aniston from, but I don't know if that's even completely possible. I don't feel like my parents really did anything wrong when they were raising me that made me feel this way about myself, so I don't know what to do to prevent it. Since age 14 I have been on and off depression medication. Mostly I have been off, at least for the past 3 years, because I believe it's more mental then a medical thing, but maybe I'm wrong since it's still a daily struggle for me. Having Aniston has been a huge blessing in my life. ***Warning: Things are about to get deep here... Since she was born I have had no suicidal thoughts (yes, I hate to admit that these use to occur daily in my past). For me this is a huge improvement! I love that baby girl so much! I would never want to do anything to myself that would keep her from the things that she needs. I'm sad that it took having a baby for me to realize that life is worth living every day no matter what crappy things may happen to you, but I'm glad things have changed. I LOVE my life right now. I love my awesome husband! I love my adorable baby girl! I love my job! I love coaching! I love my little apartment! I love everything... except my body. They say it takes 9 months for your body to go back to normal after having a baby.... only 5 1/5 months to go! For now I will just continue to be thankful for my awesome life and focus on getting healthy and making the positive changes in my life. There's nothing I wouldn't do for my sassy little babes!
