I read about this from one of my friends sister's posts on Facebook. This story just breaks my heart! I have never met this woman, but I have cried for her more than I have ever cried for a stranger before. I know that in the past week since hearing about this tragedy I have been more thoughtful towards those around me who I love and making sure that I tell them I love them and just savoring my time with them. My thoughts and prayers are definitely with Julie as she continues to press forward in her life. May we all tell those who mean the most to us everyday how we feel. May we not hold onto grudges, and may we overlook the little things and focus on others more than ourselves.
We had to have another ultrasound today because last time we had one Baby girl wouldn't give them quite everything they needed to see. I was definitely not opposed to having another one. I love being able to see her move and to know that she is doing okay and that she is still a she. I will admit though... I get super anxious and nervous before doctors visits because I freak myself out worrying that something bad has happened or that there won't be a heart beat... I watch too many medical shows I think. But today she was super active (as she is almost all the time) and she did a good job at giving the doctor what he needed to see. I feel relieved knowing she is growing and doing well considering how rough it was there for a while. I still have some really bad days and most days I'm super nauseous, but I can definitely say I have more good days than bad now. I am so grateful that Spencer has been able to go with me to every doctors appointment. He has been such a huge help and support, it's just awesome! I loved watching him today rather than the monitor because he just got so excited to be able to see her and watch her move. He hasn't been able to feel her because every time I think she's kicking hard enough, she stops right when he puts his hands on my stomach... stubborn. But he is just going to make the best Dad... Yawning... I think she was getting bored of the ultrasound... she also really hates having them done. She just moves and kicks and does all kinds of crazy things inside me when having an ultrasound done. She also hates having my knees supporting the laptop while I'm laying down and typing... She's pretty upset with me right now and kicking in retaliation. Chubby little arm. Hooray for chubby 1 pound babies! This is what Spencer likes to call our Terminator picture. It's a view of her face, but the placenta is in the way so it wasn't the best picture, but her one eye definitely looks terminatorish. And we can always count on her giving us a lovely picture of her foot. But let's be honest... besides the smell of a baby, the best part are the tiny little feet and hands...
It was great to have an ultrasound today, because even after 4 weeks she has grown and changed so much! I still am in shock that there is a little person inside of me growing and moving and yawning... So weird... But also really really cool.
I am OBSESSED! That is all..... Okay so not really. I'm pretty sure that I could drink like gallons and gallons of chocolate milk a day! I'm thinking that's a pretty good thing considering I cannot stand the taste of regular milk at all and the only other dairy product I eat in large amounts is cheese. Gotta give my baby calcium in some form. In case you didn't know, we're hoping for a healthy child. Also, I think I will have to make the bus driver stop at a grocery store when I'm in California on the way to the hotel from the airport so that I can stalk up and not spend like $5 on a 16oz bottle of chocolate milk at the park. Then again who knows... by that time my chocolate milk phase may have ended... that makes me sad. Also can I just say that I love love love that my baby craves taco bell just as much as she craves chocolate milk! I will have the child that doesn't want french fries, but instead wants tacos! This makes me very happy!
My weeks of coaching cheerleading at Copper Hills are winding down... I have 6 practices left, then nationals, and then it's over. It definitely couldn't end in a better way... Disneyland... but I'm becoming increasingly sad about it. These girls have taught me so much over the past two years. They have been so supportive and so thoughtful! I really do think that coaching is going to help me when it comes to being a Mom... as well as raising a daughter. There has been sooooooooooooo much drama in my life the past two years (Spencer is very excited for this to end), so many late night/super early morning texts or phone calls, last minute changes, andcattiness, but I think that I will really miss it. I guess I'll have to start watching more MTV reality shows or something so that the drama will still exist in my life. I cannot wait to see how my girls do at nationals this year. They have had a super rough year, but continue to work so hard! They want... but of course, so does everyone else there. Do I think they deserve it? Of course I do! They really have overcome some of the hardest things to deal with as a team this year, and I am so surprised at how well they can pull themselves together and still be positive and find the good in everything. Am I a wee bit upset that I will have to be the official purse holder at Disneyland for the girls... yes... but at least I can ride Small World over and over
without problems. Don't judge the picture above... this was taken at our second comp where I was still in the stages of just looking fat... not looking pregnant.
I have had some really rough days lately. Pregnancy is really hard on me and my body. I still am
nauseous and exhausted, but when I feel well enough to get up and moving I try to do as many things as I can to prepare for our little one. My latest project, after discovering I had a ton of random fabrics hiding among my craft stuff, was to make fabric flowers and matching diaper covers.
It always bothered me when diapers would show... they are necessary, but they are ugly. So I found a super easy pattern and began sewing... now I am not an amazing seamstress, but I figured no one would be paying that close of attention to them, cause that might be weird. They are just so tiny!!!! I made a total of 16 diaper covers as well as 16 of each flower. I hope they fit her and look as good as they do in my visions. I also made two different types of flowers. One was made strictly with a glue gun and fabric,
while the other used a sewing machine.
This little girl has soooooooooooooooo many flowers and bows and headbands already!
Hopefully she has hair. Also I think that I'm excited because I have been known to wear a flower or two in my hair and now I can just share with little baby Ahlstrom! Benefits of being a parent... Anyway, for my next project, once we get up to Rexburg I am going to make her crib bedding. No way am I going to pay $300 for baby bedding, to me that is just not right. I would rather buy her lots of clothes that she will outgrow fairly quickly then bedding for that price.
Speaking of Rexburg... we are getting super excited! We got the apartment that we wanted and everything is just falling into place. We had a choice between a townhouse and a flat... both at incredible pricing, but we decided that we wanted to go with the flat. We just figured that since we will be there 3 years and it would just be easier with a baby to all be on one level... plus I just read an article on how the leading cause of injury and death among children is stairs.... anyway, we are super excited and can't wait to get up there and decorate and get started with the next phase of our lives... also to have a washer and dryer in our house, this is probably the most exciting thing for us about moving!
I myself was a honeymoon baby and never in a million years expected that before I hit the halfway mark in my marriage to be more than halfway pregnant... but I am... And we couldn't be happier. Yesterday was a gorgeous day and we were able to spend so much time outside and walking around and just having fun with each other.
I held up pretty good for the first hour then I started getting super tired. So when we got home, we took a two hour nap. We were also blessed enough to attend one of my family's long time friends daughters wedding reception. It was so great to see these people who we used to hang out with all the time when we lived in Oregon, and then just to be at a reception on our 6 month anniversary was pretty cool. Also can we talk about how when Spencer buzzed his hair, actually when he had me do it, I cried? I am so emotional it's crazy! I know it's hair, and it's boy hair so it'll grow fast, but it still made me really really sad!
Loving wearing tighter shirts so that the baby bump is actually visual. My cheerleaders are super funny when I wear something that actually is fitted... Normally for our morning practices I wear baggy t-shirts or sweatshirts so it doesn't really show much, but when I show up wearing normal clothes they go crazy. The other night at a showcase we were performing at at least half of them were exclaiming, "You look so pregnant!" They are always so amazed that there is actually something there. Another great thing about being pregnant is that you can wear tighter clothes and eat a ton and there is no pouch or food baby and that is AWESOME! Still loving the fact that I can fit into my regular jeans!!! Barely, but still good. Also my newest fear is naming the baby. We went from having 2 names that we loved to 4 options... that scares me! Names are so important and what if I name her wrong? Our 4 favorite as of right now are...
Really hoping when we meet her we will know...
I am so grateful for Spencer and all that he does for me. Every morning when we first wake up he goes and gets me a glass of juice so that I can settle my stomach before I eat breakfast. He never complains about it, and he always gives me a straw with it. He always asks what he can do for me and constantly tells me I am beautiful, even though I don't always feel that way. He thanks me for making dinner, and he helps me do the dishes... sometimes he even does it when
I'm taking a shower so that they're just done when I go to do them. Okay so normally I do them before I get in the shower, because that's a little gross to do them after you're already clean... but anyway he is great! He has been such a trooper through 2 months of IV's, pregnancy, and coaching. I know it hasn't been easy for him to allow me to share time with my cheerleaders and medical equipment, but he has been so amazing about it. I can't wait for the next 6 months... especially since we will have a little baby girl by then! Happy 6 months Spencer! I LOVE YOU!
A while back, I mean before the days of Spencer, I had a friend ask me to go with him to an LDS recovery meeting. This is similar, I'm guessing, to what an AA meeting or any kind of meeting for an addiction would be like. Of course I went because I wanted to be able to show my support to this friend and to help him through his recovery. I was surprised by the stories and strength that I felt in that room and even though I did not say anything (really regret that) I felt welcomed. I've heard words to the Serenity Prayer a lot in my life, not because I am surrounded by addicts, but in movies and on facebook and what not. They are some powerful words. Maybe it's because I am pregnant, or maybe it's because I'm normally fairly emotional, but lately I think about them a lot and get weepy. The prayer states:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference"
I think that in society we lack as a people the three most important things in that prayer.
We lack the ability to accept. I know that I am awful at accepting when things have ended or that something is different or when a change needs to be made. I think that half of my own life has been spent in denial. I so often wish that things could just stay the same always because that is what feels most comfortable and that is what seems most easy, but life is about change. It's about growing, and growing cannot occur without change. There are so many changes that occur outside our realm of control, and because as a people we like to have control all the time. Losing that control makes it that much harder to accept those changes in our lives. I am convinced that if as a people we obtained complete acceptance of all changes what were indeed inevitable, there would be no anger, unhappiness, or even suicide. Too often we become carried away in wildly unsuccessful efforts to fight these changes, that it changes us. Our countenance darkens and we become a shell of the person we once were. To learn to accept those things which we cannot change, is to learn to be happy. It may seem weak to give up the fight against the world, but it's certainly not that at all. It's the complete opposite. It is strength. It is to conquer.
We lack courage. Mostly I think the courage to change. Like I said before, change is hard to make and we don't always welcome it into our lives. I know I have pushed and pushed change away time and time again, but that's funny considering that right now I am in a situation where I cannot push the change away. In fact, I have no control over the changes and it has taught me so much about acceptance and courage. I wish men could be pregnant, just so they could understand and learn about accepting change and having that courage and strength day after day to keep going. Okay, so that's not the only reason I wish men could experience pregnancy, but what better teacher than that? The lion in the Wizard of Oz only seeks courage. This is his one wish. I'm pretty sure if I only had one wish, it would not be to have courage. Okay, actually I'm 100% sure that wouldn't be my wish. But if only we all had that courage. The courage to step out of the box and to not worry about what others think so that we could make those important changes in our lives. Surely opportunity would not present itself as a needful change if it weren't important. By gaining the courage to change, we also could gain more than we ever hoped for, and a life that was previously shadowed by doubt.
We lack wisdom. Every single person I have ever met is smart about something. Then there is my brother Ryan who is a genius and is smart about everything. But everyone has a great knowledge of one thing or another. I think that the reason we lack wisdom is because we seek it out from the wrong sources. We assume that those closest to us, or those people who we look up to and respect are the ones who can give us the greatest advice and fill our own lives with their wisdom. But this is unfortunately not always the case. Although they may have the best intentions of teaching us correctly, they may not understand our situation correctly or know our reactions the best. I love learning from other people, I love reading quotes from inspiring historical figures, but once I have learned those important lessons, I don't always retain them. I don't always remember; therefore, I lose that wisdom. If I don't practice, every single day, that wisdom passed down to me from others, then I will not be wise. No one can be wise. We as a people lack the energy and motivation to keep ourselves wise and in check, making sure that everyday we are living by the wisdom and principles that have been taught to us. In turn, we lack wisdom.
I know that I could be better off if I learned acceptance, gained courage, and treasured wisdom. It astounds me that this prayer is primarily used for those with addictions, when I think that every single person in the world could gain something from these three characteristics. How different the world would be if everyone, everyday, would strive to live by this prayer.
The entire Kinville clan was able to go to church together this Sunday because Jake turned 16... Can you believe that? Ryan turns 13 this week so that's a little weird also... I guess we are all old considering I'm 26... We are all grown up! We normally all get together for Sunday dinners at Mom's house (this I will miss terribly!) but I have never taken a picture. Instead I chose to take it after trying to convince myself for the first two hours of church that I did not need to throw up. Don't judge! I know that I really need to make sure that I get in all the quality time I can with these people for the next 5 weeks, cause I'm pretty sure I'm going to cry everyday after we move because I miss them so much!
While roaming the church halls I saw this letter on the bulletin board and I just had to take a picture! I thought this was great! This kid apparently "lost" the numbers of 2 girls he met at a YSA activity and wrote this letter, including their full names, to get those numbers back into his possession. Man, I do not miss being single! A+ for effort single Tyler. A+.
Spencer and I have discovered that we have a talent for puzzles... not only did we get married and alienate ourselves from the rest of the world, but we have turned 90. It took us about 3 hours and 2 disks of Arrested Development, but we did it all in one sitting. I moved about a thousand times because I couldn't get comfortable no matter how I was sitting, but done and done. I am totally craving fried shrimp again.... that's a problem. It's not even 10am yet.
And then, since I am super awesome, I got gas for $2.89. Thank you Smith's for your awesome deals. I thought saving .30 cents was cool... my Dad is almost up to $1 off his gas... Just one more reason I will miss Utah. There's no Smith's in Rexburg...
Lastly, I am very upset and annoyed about this... we ordered a few flowers from Forever 21 cause they are ridiculously cheap and no one will ever mistake my daughter for a boy, and this is how it came in the mail... Really? I know it was a super cheap order (they really do have killer deals on hair accessory's) but that's no reason to treat my mail like trash... Also please notice the muffin top finer in the background... Oh well... Everything was there so that's good. I'm just super irritable at the moment I guess.