Don't you just love the little glove thing on my hand protecting my IV? Super cool!!! So we hit 16 weeks and I'm still sick. Still at 2 bags of fluids a day and not eating much. I am able to try eating more, but the more I eat the more sick I feel. The toilet is still my best friend, but I have gained 2 pounds! Very excited about that. The Situation moves around like crazy. I didn't know what I was feeling at first and I was really nervous that something was wrong, but I googled it and asked one of my many nurses and visit me at home (VIP) and they said what I was feeling was the baby. I am building one stubborn child! Last night I tried to sleep on my left side, The Situation did not like that and would not stop doing cartwheels, so I switched to the right side and ended up with the same result. So I proceeded to my last option, my back. I have never enjoyed sleeping on my back but I never sleep at all, so however I can get comfy is going to have to work. Well the little fetus didn't like that either, so I just stayed awake and listened to my poor sick husband breath like Darth Vader. My belly is growing like crazy! I feel large, but that's normal I guess. Don't judge my picture... I know that I'm pale, but I think that since I started getting the fluids I look a whole lot better. Also I just don't really ever get out of my sweats or do my hair due to lack of energy and how nauseous it makes me so be thankful I got dressed for this picture. So thankful for an awesome Mom who keeps me company and tried to get me out of the house on the days that I am feeling somewhat decent, and for a sister who reminds me that this is normal. Also thankful for a husband who tells me when I try to put on makeup after not wearing any for 2 months that I look better without it, and for little brothers who always ask how the baby is doing... not me... but at least they care about my kid. They'll make great Uncles! Also I'm thankful for a Dad who asks almost everyday if I kept everything down, and still thankful for Jason and his Brad Paisley tickets... even though my head is still pounding!
I had every intention of posting last night when we got home from Kim's birthday dinner, but I got incredibly sick and so that didn't happen. Luckily I have a forgiving family who understands that. They are pretty much awesome. Kim is definitely the best sister anyone could ever ask for! I mean she is my only sister so it's not a hard title to win, but still, it hasn't always been that way. For years growing up we did not get along or like each other. My poor parents. But finally when I went off to college, our relationship improved and strengthened. That's not to say that it is always perfect now, but I know that I value her opinion and her thoughts more than ever. I now enjoy spending time with her, and I am pretty sure I can consider her one of my best friends. She is a great Mom, a talented photographer, and a really great sister. We even get to be the same age for 2 days... How exciting is that? HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM!!!!
For months I have been hinting to Spencer that I wanted to go to the Brad Paisley concert. I went to his concert a few years ago and loved it! I have been a huge Brad Paisley fan for years and he gives an AMAZING concert! I kept reminding Spencer that it would be the best birthday present and that it would make me so happy! I'm sure I was a tad bit annoying with all my nagging. Well, then I got sick and gave up on the quest knowing that it wouldn't be smart or healthy for me to go to a concert, plus Spencer is NOT a country music fan and he honestly had no interest in going. I did find out last week that he had looked up tickets without me knowing (crafty man), but he made a smart decision in not purchasing them due to the $120 price per ticket. I had come to the realization that I would just have to wait another couple of years and go when he came back to town, and despite my sadness over this thought, I accepted it.
4:30PM January 27th, 2012... I am riding on a bus full of cheerleaders to Cottonwood High School for a game. PS - I am the super cool coach who has an IV at the basketball games. Multiple students have asked if I was doing heroin through it... really? Anyway I get a phone call from my brother Jason, he asks what I was doing, and seemed very disappointed when I told
him where I was headed and that my plans for the night mainly consisted of watching high school basketball games and doing my fluids. Turns out he had acquired 4 tickets to Brad Paisley and needed someone to go with. He remembered how much I had talked about it during Sunday dinner so he thought he would ask me first. I got so excited that my catheter started bleeding, but I told him he would have to call Spencer and ask. As much as I wanted to go, I knew that Spencer did not, and I also knew I wasn't in any condition to go. Spencer surprised me and accepted Jason's offer and hooked him up with a date! So I anxiously sat through the JV basketball and as soon as the game was over I left with Spencer to head to the Maverick Center.
I forgot how much I hated concert traffic... I felt so bad for anyone who was just going that general direction and not to the concert because it was super frustrating to get anywhere near the venue. I didn't expect much from our tickets and I was just happy to be going at all. I think I was more happy that Spencer was willing to go because it's something that I really wanted. Free tickets don't hurt either. But our seats were AWESOME! They were directly to the left of the stage where you could see every detail. I could literally see his wedding ring on his finger when he would play on the stage in front of us, it was that close! I will admit I got emotionally a couple of times. The opening acts were Scotty McCreery from American Idol and The Band Perry, and I couldn't help but to get teary eyed when I thought about how this young 18 year old boys parents must have felt and how proud they must be of him. And then The Band Perry were all siblings and that gave me the same reaction. Thank you crazy hormones! The music was insanely loud and I had to eventually sit down because I was too nauseous and light headed, but the set was great! Brad Paisley played for 2 hours straight and played the best songs! Spencer even smiled once in a while and did tell me he had a good time.
I learned that I probably shouldn't do that again anytime soon. I still have a pounding headache, had to pull of my catheter because it blew (actually Spencer did it... thank you!!!), but I guess it was worth it. it was just as good as I had hoped it would be and it was the best surprise! Thank you so much Jason for thinking of us and thank you Spencer for being so selfless and helping me have an amazing night!
Bloody Catheter... graphic
From our seats.... No zooming
$3 for a cup of water... really???
Thank you crappy lighting at the Maverick Center for this awesome picture!
I am desperate to feel like myself again! Last night I had to once again pull out the catheter in my hand by myself because it blew and was causing me a lot of pain... Luckily Spencer was there this time to help me. So much better when someone is there to help you!!! But the down side is that I can't keep anything down and I haven't had fluids now for almost 24 hours... I am trying but just not having any luck at all. I didn't really think that the fluid was really doing much besides making me have to pee every 15 minutes and giving me energy, but now that I am without it, I can see that it was really doing a lot more than I thought. My goal is to feel better by next Tuesday because I would really like to feel good and happy while I'm turning 26.... Geez! I am getting so old! But I guess it's okay because the kids and teachers at the high school still think I'm in high school. The blessings of good genetics! Other news... totally popped overnight. I thought I was big before and now it's obvious that I'm pregnant... Sorry no pictures. Every
picture I have taken just doesn't look good.... so instead of a baby bump picture, here's me with my lovely bag of fluid chilling with my parents.
Really hoping that I start to feel better soon, so that I don't have to give up more of the things that I love doing! Super bummed that I can't go up to Sundance this year! That's one of my favorite things to do and Spencer has never gone before and I just thought it would be awesome to take him, but it's just not gonna happen. Sad. I will just have to save all of my celebrity stalking energy for next year. Sorry I haven't posted a lot... I definitely have the time, but trying to write positive things is a little difficult for me right now, so I would just rather not write at all. Hopefully I can regain an optimistic attitude soon and this sickness will pass. My heart truly goes out to any woman at all who has suffered hyperemesis, especially throughout their entire pregnancy. I am praying and hoping that after February 10th, I don't have to have the fluids anymore. There is a possibility that I have to have them until I have the baby, which is not ideal, but you gotta do what you gotta do in order to have a healthy child. And that's the goal here. Also, I am no longer a Kinville as of this morning. Finally had my Mom help me get to the DMV and got myself a Utah driver's license (ugh) with the last name Ahlstrom... It's official! Happy Monday!
That's just the fancy name for really crappy sucky bad morning sickness. That's what I have
been diagnosed with. Click HERE for a more thorough definition. The funny thing is when I was first starting to feel sick one of my friends told me to be grateful that I didn't have hyperemesis. I guess I wasn't grateful enough... My Mom found a website dedicated to those who suffer from this and reading their stories have really helped me psychologically. I thought I was being dramatic and it was all in my head, but some of these women have it worse than me, and I couldn't imagine. A few of them have even had to terminate their pregnancy because of the pain. So sad! I still am very unsure of how to effectively express my feelings to Spencer, and I feel bad that he has to deal with this. But this is just one trial that we will face in our life together. So very overwhelmed. A few nights ago Home Health Care came and set me up with all of the supplies and necessary knowledge of how to not only inject myself with all sorts of fun medications and vitamins, but also how to set up fluid IV's. Needless to say I am overwhelmed! I feel like I could definitely star on an episode of Grey's Anatomy with all my recent medical knowledge. It's weird to constantly be hooked up to an IV all the time, especially at night... I didn't sleep at all the past two nights because I was so worried about pulling out the catheter,
and I didn't want to get up and go to the bath room because I didn't want to drag the fluid bag holder. So my night stand is sporting the barf bowl... making a comeback from my childhood. Good news is that I'm feeling less sick and dizzy, cause I actually have fluids in me and I feel hydrated! But I am so exhausted and still can't sleep. Some of the medications that I take make me crazy sick, but it's so much cooler to take the medication through the IV... I am gaining a greater appreciation for people who only have one hand... showering, getting dressed, doing your hair, washing your hair, it's all super challenging now. I'm glad I have limited use of my hand at least. Here is a breakdown of my day... overnight I do the fluid bag with the vitamins,
so it usually takes about 14 hours to get through the entire bag, then I flush my line and hook up my bag of just fluids which can take anywhere from 4 to 6 hours,
then I flush the line, and throw in some heparin, and cap my catheter and give my poor arm a break for a few hours. Later in the evening I flush my line, insert thiamine, flush, insert zofran, flush,
then start my fluids with vitamins all over again. The Situation is teaching me so much already. I am able to experience all kinds of things that I probably never would have if I wasn't pregnant. In all honesty I would probably be able to go through life perfectly fine and normal without having a constant IV in, and knowing how to do all of this stuff, but it's all part of the journey I guess. Well my journey at least. PS - watching the Justin Bieber movie for the first time while pregnant... not a good idea. Cried the entire time!
Today was my monthly baby doctor's appointment... Can I tell you how much anxiety I get going to those? I am terrified that he won't find a heart beat, that I have been doing everything wrong, that there's something wrong with the baby, etc. I worry a lot.... always have. Anyway I was looking forward to stepping on the scale because I figured being in bed for a month I would have had to gain weight, plus isn't it good to gain weight with a baby? I know The Situation isn't big yet, and doesn't weight more than a few ounces, but we (meaning my cheerleaders and I) think it's going to be a fatty. Anyway, so the morning was already off to a nasty start... Couldn't keep anything down and didn't sleep well. Possibly the worst part about throwing up when you're pregnant is that you don't feel better once you actually throw up... you still feel yucky. I
remember plenty of times where I would throw up just to feel better... not so much anymore. Just have to remind myself that it's temporary... still hoping that since I'm in the second trimester now that things will start to lighten up a little. So I go the the doctor and step on the scale expecting to see a 2 or 3 or 7 pound gain... totally bracing myself and telling myself that it's okay cause I'm pregnant. Well I had lost 10 pounds in 4 weeks. As the nurse was taking us back to the room I told Spencer and he was super surprised... obviously I don't look it... dang. And the first thing the doctor said to me when he walked in was "Did you really lose 10 pounds?" No bueno. So they decided that it would be best if they put a couple of bags of fluids in me. Lucky for me they offered to do it right there in the office. So the nurse came in and tried to find a vein... remember how last time it took 5 pokes and 1 blown vein to get all the blood samples they needed from me? Well of course I'm dehydrated so she chose her favorite and went for it. 15
minutes later I was barely getting any fluid because of a curved vein. So she pulled it out (those needles are HUGE and so painful!) and tried another spot where she blew the vein. The exact same one that had blown the appointment before... my poor right hand. Her next step was finding another nurse to try because you can only try twice on one patient. I feel so bad for the nurses because they always come in so confidant and then leave so disappointed in themselves that they couldn't get a vein... I love that I'm a challenge for them! The next nurse tried twice also, with a ton of poking and prodding (the worst part) and then it was decided that home health care would need to come to my house and take care of it instead. So after an hour of attempting to get my hydrated and getting in less then half a bag of fluid, they sent me home.
I get worried, not because of me or how I feel. I know this is normal (well kind of - the doctor said he hadn't seen anyone this sick in a really long time) but I worry about The Situation. I feel guilty for losing weight and not being able to eat, and I worry that the baby isn't getting what it needs from me in order to grow properly. This is so new and weird to me to realize and understand that it's not all about me when it comes to my body. There is another human inside of me who I must take care of a grow. While I was thinking of all of this I was reminded of something Dwight Schrute once said,
"Pam is constantly throwing up because of the pregnancy. If she eats something the fetus doesn't like, she is screwed. It's amazing: a three ounce fetus, is calling the shots! It's so bad a."
It's so true! HUGE Office fan! Anyway I thankful for a husband who was able to be there for me and hold my hand during the entire time and remind me that everything is going to be okay, and for an AWESOME family who is constantly asking me what they can do and showing their support to me. Honestly I think they think this is the greatest thing... pay back for my crazy childhood ways, but nevertheless they are always there. My Mom even came over to finally help me take down the Christmas tree... I was pretty sure that thing would be up year round! This is a crazy adventure and I just thankful that I have such great people surrounding me to help me through it! Let's here it for little, wimpy, dehydrated veins!
Luckily in this amazing country we have many freedoms... one of them is freedom of speech. If you don't like what I write or what I post, guess what???? You have the freedom not to read it and not to post comments about it on my blog. Lucky you! And in turn I have the freedom to blog about whatever I choose and delete your rude comments! Lucky me! Pregnancy makes me sassy.... And I'm loving it!
Today I officially began the second trimester of this wonderful thing called pregnancy! Rumor has it that you aren't suppose to be as sick and you're suppose to have more energy.... hopefully those rumors manifest themselves soon because day one of trimester two was not so pleasant to me. Here is what I have learned thus far in my pregnancy...
1. I LOVE straws! I have to drink out of a straw no matter what. Spencer is super awesome and will even cut the straws when I have a small glass of whatever, that way the straw doesn't stick out too far. I am obsessed! When I was younger I would only drink chocolate milk (gag)
with a straw, then it was at all restaurants I needed a straw, and now I want one with everything! I find that I actually drink more when I drink out of a straw and that's a big deal for me right now cause I need all the hydration and liquid I can get!
2. What's good one day, may not hold true for the next day. There is absolutely nothing I can eat that I would consider "safe". Every single piece of food I put in my body has a 97% (yes I did the math) chance of resurfacing within 30-45 minutes of eating it. Everyday is definitely an adventure when it comes to food.
3. Although Michelle Duggar may be crazy, she also just might be superwoman. Just watching that show makes me super uncomfortable and sympathetic
towards the children, but any woman who can be pregnant 19 times and keeps getting pregnant has some sort of magical power that I do not posses. Maybe she just doesn't get sick while she's pregnant and her calling in life is to single handedly (okay I know it takes two people to make a baby, but let's face it... guys have no idea what it's like to be pregnant... and she's the one dealing with all the crazy changes) replenish the earth, but WOW! I think I need to give her a little more credit when it comes to how many children she has. Maybe the pain is like a high for her??? Yeah, I could go on and on with this so I better stop.
4. People really sympathize with pregnant woman. A couple nights ago my sister Kim and her hubby Chris wanted to play. So I made sure to rest all day and when Spencer got home we decided to meet them for dinner at Chili's. We definitely had some sweet free food fro
m there so it made the decision pretty easy about where to eat. I struggled getting ready and Spencer suggested that we call them and call it off. But I was determined to make this happen. All I had to eat was a creamy soup. There really were no chunks in it and I didn't even eat it with crackers! It was plain and easy, so I figured I would be safe. We sat for like an hour after we finished because I wasn't feeling well and Kim and Chris were enjoying a date night without the child. We got up to leave and within 20 feet of the restaurant I knew we were about to have a situation. Definitely threw up everything in that Chili's parking lot. Spencer stood behind me and held my hair and promised to wash my boots off when we got home, as my sister sat in her car with her husband watching and convinced him to not drive by honking. Thank you Kim. So I was already embarrassed and upset when a family of four came walking by. Of course the little boy
yelled "gross!" which caused the entire family to look my direction. Spencer did me a favor and apologized followed by "she's pregnant." Instantly the mother's face turned from a look of disgust to concern and understanding. She even wished me better. I should really test this theory to see how much you can get away with if you use the excuse that you're pregnant... could be fun. Also could land me in prison, but still fun.
5. I may only have 1 child. I have always wanted a big family! When I was younger I wanted 7 kids and I was going to name them after the 7 dwarfs. Later I wanted 13 children, and kept lists of all the names that I loved. Well, turns out Spencer and I don't really agree on many names, so the lists have been bagged, and I am really struggling with pregnancy. Not just physically but emotionally. It is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. One of the gals I coach with told me that she was like superwoman when she was pregnant... I could only wish.
It's super interesting that everyone reacts differently to pregnancy, but man, I never thought it would be this hard. I here though that after you actually have the child and see what you have created and hold that infant in your arms, that those feelings of never having another one fade... but I tell you what, I don't know if a million dollars would change my mind at this point.
We still have a long way to go considering I'm only 1/3 of the way done, and things have the possibility to improve immensely! I am excited, nervous, scared, and so ready to eat and sleep like I use to. Also I'm nervous because I am really showing a lot and it's still early... people think that I'm like 4 or 5 months already... I am a little worried about that. I am so excited to start a new phase and to hopefully start embracing this pregnancy as more of a positive experience. Cross your fingers for me and please enjoy this lovely picture from a white trash bash 5 years
While applying for grad school, you get to answer a lot of super fun questions... Some were about your parents. Two questions really made me super proud and made me crazy emotional to answer... Don't worry, I'm crying now and I cried when I answered the questions. The questions were as followed:
What is the highest degree of education that your Mother completed?
What is the highest degree of education that your Father completed?
When I took the ACT in high school and even when applying for college at BYU Idaho, I was only ever able to bubble in the high school option. Now, because I have the most amazing parents who
have set the very best example for me, I was able to fill in college for both of them. It was one of the most amazing things to be able to graduate with my Mom from college and to be able to have my Dad hand us our diplomas, you know because he was the best teacher ever at BYU Idaho (yes, he actually got that award) and you know he had to get a master's to be able to teach. I am so excited that my children or just one child - pregnancy still brutal - will be able to bubble in Mom's highest degree of education completed as college, and I truly hope that they will be as proud of me as I am of my parents. Thank you for setting such wonderful examples for me. I'm pretty sure that they got those degrees for themselves, well my Dad had made a promise to his
Mom that he would get it, but he did it I'm sure to feel accomplished and worry. And for my Mom the timing was perfect and it was something that could make her feel like she finally did it. I don't think they realized the absolute effect their decisions would have on their children. Well, at least 1 out of 5 of their children are inspired by their motivation and accomplishments.
Is it wrong that Spencer has decided to name our child after some fist-pumping, sleazy sun glass wearing Jersey Shore star? I don't think so. I think that calling the fetus "The Situation" is perfect! Because that's exactly what it is. A Situation... Hoping that in the near future it will become a better situation, but I'm doing what I can when I can. I miss food!!! I am surviving on goldfish.
Lame. I guess the blame could be passed to me for Spencer's extensive knowledge of MTV reality TV stars. Being in bed all the time is super boring! So I catch up on my shows. The internet and Netflix are incredible! But my favorite part is how we are currently watching the 5th season of The Hills (yes, I own them all) and Spencer is totally into it! Loving that!!! Not only does he know the name of every cast member, but he could tell you his personal feelings about each individual based upon their performances on The Hills. Great man! Next show to addict him to... I'm thinking One Tree Hill. I think I sparked his interest in it by mentioning that one of the people from Laguna Beach and The Hills is in it. Plus the early seasons have killer music! I love that Spencer will just lie next to me in bed and relax with me all day, when he can. He's a good man and he works so hard, but I love when he has a day off and we can just be together.
Yes, I know I look awful but that's kind of how I feel. I wish it was summer already and The Situation was here, and I could eat as much Taco Bell as I want!
We also have another situation on our hands.... I just finished my application this morning for grad school. Am I crazy? Yeah, probably. But I am also excited! I cannot wait to be a high school teacher! Since Spencer has decided to go back to school in April and finish his undergrad, we have a whole plan all sorted out, where I can teach and he can go to school around my schedule... ahhhhh, crazy dreams. I'm really excited about school, and I cannot wait to get started! I feel motivated, this is most likely the cause of lying in bed and feeling useless all day. I want The Situation to be proud of me, and to think that I'm educated.
So I'm feeling pretty accomplished today, I may even attempt to put away the laundry that I folded and cleaned on Friday.... Today could be the day!