"I think it's naive to pray for world peace if we're not going to change the form in which we live." Godfrey Reggio
I am happy, truly happy, for the first time in a long time. Of course there are little things that don't matter to anyone but me that I would like to change in my life, but they unimportant and are of the vain things of the world. But overall I am happy. I'm feeling pretty sick at the moment, mostly from stress... not the best way to spend my last day of freedom before I enter the world of screaming, drama, makeup, bra straps, cheering, chanting, stunting, tumbling, dancing, crying, laughing, eating, eye rolling, and no boyfriend (although that started today... tear... please take a moment to be sad for me. We won't get to talk until maybe Thursday night and won't see each other until Friday). Spencer keeps me pretty sane and I am going to need that this week, so hopefully I will find an outlet to help me to keep my sanity until we can see each other again. I love coaching, don't get me wrong, but this year, and especially today, I am very stressed about it. I feel disorganized and I feel a lack of willingness from some of my new girls. At this point, I have taught them what they need to know, and spent a lot of time training them for their routine tomorrow, and I'm just not sure they are ready. This scares me because I want them to excel and to be the best that they can be, but if they don't want it, how am I supposed to help them? I explained to them at our 6am practice (heavy groan) that if they don't show improvement, because this is a team sport and everyone needs to be close to each other in ability, they will be removed. Oh well if that hurt their feelings... that's life. I would hate to kick of of them off, but I cannot let my team suffer at the hand of one or two lazy people. While considering this, I find it to me like my own life. I have several friends that I drug me down emotionally and taken advantage of me. This doesn't make me a better person or help me in any way in life to excel and become capable of amazing things. In order to achieve the highest level of excellence that I can in my life, I need to only build myself up and work hard to achieve everything that I want. It's really that easy and that simple. What's not simple and easy is cutting those people out and getting rid of them. It's hard to say goodbye to friends and sometimes family who you thought would be in your life forever, but sometimes it's the best thing to do. Eventually you get over them and you find other people or activities to fill that void. I have had to do this many times, and in my opinion the best thing to do is not fill the void with a person, but with getting to know yourself and developing habits that will get you to where you need to be in life. The people who are suppose to be in your life come in when you least expect it and when you least want it. To fill the void with another person could be a huge mistake because you could end up using them, and that's never a good thing. I don't like to hurt people and I don't like to be mean, but sometimes you have to make painful decisions in order to better yourself and your life. You cannot expect change unless you make that change with yourself first. The only way that your life can improve is if you make the change. That's what I am going to work on this week. Making the changes that I want to see in my own life. The changes that will make my life better. I'm already dreading the effort, but I know it will be worth it.
PS - Did I mention I really miss Spencer??? At least I have a good distraction this week. But still... Boo to separation!