Tuesday, May 31, 2011
A lot has happened in the past 7 days (Please try not to think of the movie The Ring when I say "7 days") and not all of it has been bad. Yes, Jason is still missing and I call him about 20 times a day hoping that he will pick up, but he never does. We still have no idea where he might be or if he is safe. Had I not been surrounded by certain people this past week, or been so lucky as to have my awesome family move here I probably would've fallen apart. But I have been lucky. I was able to spend most of the day with my family yesterday and it was amazing. I forget how fun my little brothers can be and how Ryan will do almost anything I tell him to do... haha. Family is so important and I really forgot how much a love living close to them and being able to go and see them whenever I want without having to drive 3 long hours. My Mom was able to laugh this weekend, which of course is awesome because she has a great laugh. She wouldn't take her eyes off the younger boys at all which I'm sure they will find to grow very tiring shortly, but it's understandable. I know this post seems all over the place, but I am really having a hard time pinning down my feelings and emotions. Is it okay that I am so happy and my brother is missing? I hope so because I haven't been happy for a long time, because I haven't allowed myself that opportunity. Seems like poor timing on my part... Jason... I love you, your family misses you. And we would love to hear from you or for you to come home! You are an amazing young man with so much potential! Please come home! 7 days is too long to not have you in my life!
Monday, May 30, 2011
After months of waiting, searching for the perfect dress, and listening, watching, and reading (haven't finished it yet) Les Miserables, I finally got to actually go and see it performed at Utah's capital theatre last night. It was amazing. They weren't the best performers, nor did they perform perfectly. But just to see it live, have the orchestra right there you can just feel the music that much more. Every feeling, every thought is magnified when you are in that situation. Yes, "Bring Him Home" was a struggle and it was disappointing to me how long that feeling hung around with me even after the song. I felt bad for Stewart that he had to deal with that. Remember how his birthday was in October and this was his present? He's been a really good friend for quite a while now. I think we have had some good times, and I'm glad that even though it wasn't the best performances, that we were able to go. He is the one who introduced me to Les Miserables after all and now it's not only an obsession of mine but my families. So when I think about the title in English, The Miserable Ones, and I kind of think of my life. Not only my life but my family right now. I know that we don't have it very bad, but this week has been hell. I feel like I can't really explain the emotions that I am having to anyone, which is really upsetting, and there's nothing that anyone can do which is also upsetting. I get sad randomly and then other times I'm fine. My Uncle Bill was in the temple and read one of the hymns and passed it on to us to read. It's called When Faith Endures and reads:
"I will not doubt, I will not fear; God's love and strength are always near. His promised gifts helps me to find an inner strength and peace of mind. I give the Father willingly My trust, my prayers, humility. His Spirit guides; his love assures The fear departs when faith endures."
I love that! Makes me feel like I have no faith because I'm pretty fearful, but still what an amazing hymn! What an amazing promise. I'm so thankful that my parents raised me to be faithful and raised me to understand that when I have no one to turn to that I can turn to the Lord and he will always help and bless me! He will tell me all that I need to know (In his time of course which sometimes sucks). And right know all that I need to know is that my little brother is safe. That would make a world of difference. That would make me not miserable. I stopped making wishes on stars, in fountains, with eyelashes, birthday candles, etc... about 2 years ago because I was pestimistic and felt as though it was pointless, but if I could have only one wish and I knew it would come true. I would wish that my brother would come home.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
NO MORE ROCKSTARS EVER! So I am sicker then I dog! Don't drink Rockstars! Just say no... Probably didn't help that I had to get up at 6am and didn't go to bed until 4:30am. Now I cannot blame any of this on Jason, because I am in control of my own life... But thanks to Jason I am now down 7 pounds! Hey-O! So awesome! I am going to Les Miserables tonight and I'm dreading it a little. This is something that I have been looking forward to for a really really long time, but "Bring Him Home" is going to be a rough one for me I think. That's all I want. And that's all I pray for. If for Heavenly Father to bring him home. If not for me then for my Mom. She needs him more than ever! I think we are at 144 hours... I've never counted hours this high before, so I definitely could be wrong! Jason I love you and I miss you! Please know that your family is here for you no matter what! We love you and we need you!
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
- Have your brother go missing for almost 96 hours
- Sleep during your free time
- Have good friends abandon you during this time
- Have a cheer performance which requires you to be at the high school at 6:50am
- Coach 4 hours of cheer in one day
- Cry a minimum of 2 hours a day
- Fast a lot
- When you do eat, eat fruit loops
These have apparently all proven to work for me. Maybe it's inappropiate for me to be making jokes about this, but it's my outlet right now... This is the only good thing to come from this tragic situation. So let me give you all an update on Jason... we know nothing more. How awesome and reassuring is that? Okay, you are getting a glimpse into my mood swings. I am feeling bitter and upset at this moment. In about five minutes I will probably be crying. Five minutes after that I will probably be laughing. And five minutes after that somber. That may have added to the weight loss come to think of it. This experience is exhausting. I love my brother, and if he did call I would do anything for him, but I am exhausted! I don't know if I am going to be cut out to be a parent. I was able to spend some time with my sister and Cortney today and that little girl makes me feel so much better. Best distraction of the day! Check out her sweet glasses she got at the mall...
She was super sassy today, which is great. I love it! I love my family and I hope that Jason is found safe and alive so that he can return home and make memories with us and experience all that life and our family has to offer. Thanks again for all of your support, love, and prayers!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Hey boys!!! That's right, I pulled a "high school" and took a picture of myself in a mirror.... don't be jealous of my awesomeness or the fact that I have to look at the screen when I take a picture instead of actually looking up...