Ten Truths of (my) Pregnancy

1. The little pink plus sign is only the beginning.

For most people that positive sign on the pregnancy test either brings overwhelming joy or intense fear. For me it wasn't either. It was more like, okay sure. I was just okay with it. We weren't trying to get pregnant, but we weren't against starting a family. It would have been nice to have a few years to get to know each other better and really get settled down in life and have money all saved up, but that wasn't the way it was suppose to be for us. We were supposed to get pregnant and bring little Aniston into our lives. Because I got pregnant we made significant changes in our lives. Changes that needed to occur and probably wouldn't have if I didn't get pregnant. Reading the positive sign on the pregnancy test is only the beginning of a whirlwind of changes and adventure. If you think that pregnancy isn't going to change your life, then you have got something coming, because nothing in your life will ever be the same!

2. Sometimes morning sickness lasts all 9 months.

I knew going into pregnancy what morning sickness entailed. I knew that there was throwing up, nausea, and headaches... what I didn't know or understand was that sometimes it doesn't go away. I had never even heard of hyperemesis before in my life! I didn't know that some people throw up constantly until the very end. I didn't know that it was even possible to lose weight while you were pregnant. I didn't even know what a PICC line was. My pregnancy allowed me to experience the extreme of morning sickness, but it also allowed me to learn so much. I learn that high school boys automatically think that an IV line is heroine and that heartburn is possibly the worst thing ever (besides labor, breastfeeding and the word "moist".) But really I think that it helped me to better sympathize and understand the experience of morning sickness. It was an awful pregnancy, and I don't think I ever tried to deny that, and it makes me sad because I never imagined that pregnancy could be that awful, but at the same time I think I was able to test my strength and to realize what I was really capable of, and that empowers me and makes me feel strong. But not strong enough to want to do it again for a very, very, very long time... if ever.

3. It's okay to ask for drugs.

I know that the fad right now is to have a natural birth, but that thought never even entered my mind. I always envisioned myself getting that epidural and making labor as painless as possible. (It's not possible to have a painless labor... anyone who says otherwise is a liar straight up). And I tell you what... that epidural was AMAZING! Kind of a weird sensation, but so worth the sharp prick and little pain that occurs while getting the drug. I was also drugged up a lot during pregnancy and I'm still drugged up. I will admit, taking your standard over the counter medications scared the heck out of me for pain while I was pregnant. Before hand it would take me 10 ibuprofen to even be effective, so for me to stop cold turkey when I got pregnant was a big deal. I was quite the druggie. o when the doctor started prescribing me medication during me pregnancy it made me nervous. I hated taking certain medications and feeling the reaction from the baby while in the womb. She would get super lethargic from certain medications and that really scared me. I needed that reassurance that she was alive and okay inside me. But everything turned out okay. Aniston is perfectly healthy and the medicine did help me... although my body did completely reject most medications and that was a bummer. Yesterday though I was still in so much pain that I went to the doctor and he hooked me up with 4 shots of lidocaine. It was super painful... like breastfeeding painful, but I felt amazing afterwards. I could actually walk. And this is super nasty, but I can write whatever I want, it's my blog.... I had the feared first bowel movement while still numb and it was awesome! It wasn't at all what I was expected, which was intense pain, and I couldn't be more thankful for those drugs! It's okay to be weak and ask for drugs. It's important to take care of your baby, but you also need to make sure that you are okay too.

4. Pushing isn't that bad...

Yes, it is hard work, but it isn't the worst thing ever and it always ends. I pushed for an hour and a half and it went by so fast! You just have to stay focused. For me, every time I pushed was one more time I wouldn't have to push again. The key to pushing is pulling back on your legs though... if you don't pull, then it's tough and slow. Yes, the last three pulls were hard and I felt like I had nothing left in me to exert the strength I needed to get the job done, but just remember what happens when you do push. A baby comes out! Your baby! It's also helpful to have an amazing nurse and husband who cheer you on and help pull your legs when you can't. The support made all the difference. I have experienced much worse pain then the pushing part of labor throughout my life. Just remember remain focus and keep your mind on the end result. The end result is so amazing... the stitches kind of hurt, but the baby part is pretty cool.

5. Recovery isn't easy.

I'm a little bugged by TV shows and movies where the lady who just has a baby is up walking around like normal and totally breezing through life. You still waddle after the birth... I have never experienced a UTI or any kind of disease down there, so I have never had pain like this. It hurts to sit down, it hurts to stand up, it hurts to cough, kills to sneeze and going to the bathroom is one of the worst experiences in the world. The first time I was able to actually get up and go to the bathroom by myself was AWESOME! I definitely woke Spencer up at 3am just to tell him about my accomplishment. He was not as proud as I had hoped. It really helps to lay on your side.... REALLY HELPS! I went on my first walk tonight... around 5 apartment buildings, and it was crazy painful, but I know it's good for me. Also the hot tub at the hospital was insanely AMAZING! My own tub doesn't work like that hot tub did, just like the ice at my house doesn't feel as good as the little packs they made for you at the hospital... but it's okay. I am already feeling better, thanks to the numbing cream my doc hooked me up with, and I can't wait for the day when I can just do whatever I want physically and jsut feel tired and not pain.

6. Breastfeeding is PAINFUL!!!

It was never a doubt in my mind to breast feed my children. It was something I had seen my Mom do and I had researched it and learned about it's amazing benefits. So I figured, sure, why not give it a shot. Never in a million years did I realize how painful it would be. How come no one ever tells you about that? I never understood why anyone wouldn't breastfeed unless there was a medical reasoning, but now I totally get it. I get so much anxiety when it comes time to feed Aniston. I'm sure she can sense it, which I'm thinking is probably a negative thing. The bonding experience is amazing, and the fact that out of Spencer and I, I am the only one who can do it makes me feel powerful, but I really wish guys could breastfeed. I couldn't describe the pain to Spencer or tell him exactly how hard she sucks, but then Aniston gave him his first hickey ever on his arm... so he kind of felt the pain. Supplementing has helped ease the pain a little, but it also tempts me to just bottle feed. I have nothing against those who only formula feed, it's a personal choice, and after experiencing breastfeeding first hand, I understand their choice. Just be aware of how painful breast feeding can be at first. I hear the pain eventually goes away, but I have yet to become desensitized. Make sure you educate yourself on the amazing products out there that can help you through this process like a nipple shield... whoever invented that is a very wealthy person I'm sure. I also highly recommend getting an appointment with a lactation specialist right after the baby is born, in order to help you learn the correct ways to breastfeed. I thought I was good to go because I fed Aniston within an hour of her being born and she latched right away and everything was great... but babies forget what their doing come to find out, and the emotional disappointment that you feel when your baby doesn't latch is kind of intense since this is your babies source of nutrients (please read that as if Nacho Libre is saying it) and food. You want to be able to give your baby the best, and when she doesn't latch it's pretty emotional and breaks your heart a little. My advice... when baby latches, keep her there until you can no longer stand it or she finishes. Just be prepared that breastfeeding isn't always the easiest thing in the world.

7. It's okay to ask for help.

I hate asking anyone for help. I really like to think that I can do anything and everything on my own. Having a child has humbled me. I quickly learned to say yes when the nurses asked me if I wanted them to take Aniston for the night and bring her in when she was ready to eat. This allowed me to rest knowing she was being watched over and taking care of. I learned to say yes, when my Mom offered the same services... MY MOM IS AMAZING! I learned to ask Spencer to do things for me that I never would've imagined anyone ever saying yes to because of the nasty factor... he never once told me no. Sometimes he even began offering to do certain things without me even asking. I learned to not hold back on any questions I had about my health or Aniston's when it came to the doctor. I cannot get enough information in that department and only want my baby to be as healthy as possible. I learned that it's okay to accept dinners when people offer them, but I also learned that that can be risky... People are so willing to help, and it's unfair to them to deny it. My AWESOME Aunt Julie drove 8 hours total yesterday just to come to Rexburg for 3 hours to help with the breastfeeding situation. Who does that? That was an amazing help. My Mom is here for a month! Away from her home, family, and husband... that's pretty awesome too. I don't think I could do that. But she wants to help me, and so I have had to learn how to let her help me, and I think that that's a good thing.

8. You can never be prepared.

You can have all the clothes in the world, nursery ready to go, diapers and wipes piled into a closet, parenting classes taken... but it will never be enough. It's overwhelming to be a first time parent, and I'm annoyed that TV shows make it out to seem so easy. It's anything but easy. What can prepare you for the rush of emotions when your baby has jaundice and has to get her heel pricked day after day and sit under lights all day? What can prepare you for hearing the cries of your baby and not knowing how to help her? What can prepare you for your previously spotless house turning  into a disaster zone, especially when you feel like you've been in bed or on the couch mostly so how did it ever get this messy? There's certain things that you just have experience in order to know how to handle them. Having a baby will change your life and open you up to a load of new experiences and emotions.

9. You learn about love you never knew existed.

I had always heard that you would fall in love with your baby immediately. This is the truth. It is overwhelming and beautiful. Spencer has constantly commented on how much I have changed in the past week. He says he never knew I could be so unselfish... that sounds bad on my part huh? You want to give everything and anything to your baby and nothing can stop you. You cannot stop staring at your baby amazed that that little human came out of you. You made that. You will love everything about your baby! I have never known instant love like that (minus anything new that Taco Bell creates). I'm so grateful to be able to experience that love and to know that it's 100% completely unconditional love. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for Aniston... and I have only had her in my arms for 5 days.

10. It takes two.

No one can sanely go through pregnancy alone. I'm sure it's possible, but I would never want to have to experience that. I'm so thankful for my wonderful husband and his desire to be a part of every single thing regarding Aniston. There's nothing that he won't do for the two of us ladies. I couldn't have gone through pregnancy without his support and love. I couldn't have thrown up everyday without him sitting behind me on the bathroom floor holding my hair back and constantly whispering how much he loved me in my ear. He seriously did that every time he was around when I was throwing up... day or night. So incredible! I couldn't have gone through getting so many IV's without him holding my hand and distracting me with promises of Taco Bell. I definitely couldn't have survived the move to Idaho while pregnant without him making sure wasn't doing anything to harm myself or the baby like lifting boxes or standing on chairs. I wouldn't have survived labor without him holding my foot and leg and telling me what an amazing job I was doing, even though I felt like no progress was being made. I wouldn't have survived the past week without him telling me constantly what a good job I was doing, even is Aniston refused to breastfeed or I woke him up a million times during the night to check her breathing even though I knew he had school and work the next day. I wouldn't be this happy while still physically feeling horrible if it hadn't been for Spencer. He has been there for me unwavering for the past 9 months and continues to make me feel like I'm a good Mom and doing everything right. He even tells me I'm beautiful daily... even though I am exhausted and hardly look like myself. No one should ever have to go through pregnancy alone. I'm so thankful that I had support, not only from Spencer but from his family and my family and from my friends. It has meant the world to me to have people involved in my life and I really couldn't be happier!

Here are some pictures of my little glow worm... Poor baby. Hopefully the jaundice will go away soon!