Goodbye 2010... Resolutions... And Yes, A Little Venting

Well, I had high hopes for the last night of 2010 and of course, because it's my life and this is the way things tend to go for me (this is not me being negative, this is just simply the truth... I promise), my plans fell through and I spent the night alone, watching Friends, eating cinnamon Santa's and the yummy food the completely wonderful and unselfish Allie brought to me, and painting my fingernails over and over again because no color looked right and I couldn't even paint my nails good. It was like Christmas all over again. Absolutely awful. When did this happen in my life? When did I become this person, who spends holidays alone? Nothing seems to be working out for me these days, and things have been pretty rough. I'm a month away from turning 25 (tear) and even though I have had a lot of good experiences, it's not where I wanted to be at all in my life. I'm not who I wanted to be. Who I thought I would be. Who everyone else thought I would be. I have not only disappointed myself, but also those around me. That's not a good feeling. As I spend the night reflecting upon the past year, as most people will be doing, I can't help but to be disappointed. I guess I just don't understand. I have tried hard to make changes but it doesn't seem to make a difference. Pretty sure I offended the universe somehow and now I am being kept from the things that I want most. I really do try to be a good person, I try to give and help in any way that I can, but it doesn't make a difference. I don't think karma exists. Or if it does I am immune from that. I'm not sure how to have that in my life, but it would be nice. Maybe that's selfish of me to think this way, but I think, in fact I'm pretty sure that I have an enormous load of karma coming back to me. I just don't understand what's so wrong with me that I can't find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I know I am not the prettiest person or have even remotely a decent body. I know that I'm not the most educated person or have a lot of money. Perhaps I'm not even close to anything that anyone would ever want, which is my guess since it's just not happening, and hasn't been close to happening for a long time now. It's like my sole purpose in life is to prepare guys for their future spouse. I'm not going to do that anymore. That doesn't work for me. I do not enjoy that at all. Who would? I guess I'm just not going to care anymore. I have work, school, and cheer to focus on. If I get married then I have to worry about spending money, learn how to cook, share the bed, and none of those things interest me. So maybe marriage isn't for me. Maybe once I got married I would realize this, and so maybe it's better to realize this before I actually make that mistake. I have decided to make a few New Years Resolutions... against my better judgement...

1. No celebrating holidays (they did not treat me well in 2010, so this is my revenge)

2. No boys (dating that is) At least for a little while...

3. Eat more Nachos (this brings me happiness beyond belief - might make me more happy than anything else in the entire world actually)

That's about it for this year because I have learned that resolutions are just a set up for disappointment and failure. Neither of which are things that I need in my life at this time. Obviously. Anyway I forgot to post pictures from Zoo lights last week with the Nields, so here they are.

Allison Marsh Walker

Tonight turned into a rough night for me. My plans, my New Years plans, which got me through the week with excitement, fell through and it was a little devastating. Allie and I had been texting and I let her know what happened. Because she is so amazing she showed up at my house with my favorite cheese pull aparts from The Pie (so good!) with ranch of course and a bottle of sparkling cider for me to cheer me up. I live in the ghetto... not even close to where she and her husband Mike live. And they don't plow the streets around here and the weather has been awful and she showed up because she is so awesome! Who does that? How did I get so lucky in order to have her in my life? I know that may seem weird to say, but I guess I just don't have very many friends who would actually step up like that and do something so sweet and so kind. I'm not used to being treated like that. Yes, I am completely aware of how pathetic that is. This girl is absolutely amazing! If I could be anyone in the world it would be her. She seriously has the most kind heart, she is gorgeous, smart... I already wrote all of this because she is also one of my most favorite people of 2010. She is incredible! I cannot even express how thankful I am for her tonight. She took time out of her holiday evening to cheer me up a little. Her parents definitely did something right, because they raised one of the most amazing people in the entire world! Thanks Allie for even that you have done for me. I truly cannot express my appreciation for you. I totally stole this picture of her and her husband from her blog... but you have to see what a perfect couple they are. BEST COUPLE EVER! I want them to be happy forever because they deserve everything they want and more!!!

Favorite People of 2010...

I have spent a lot of time with a lot of people over this past year, but I'm not perfect so I have favorites. And here they are... Once again in no particular order. And also there are many other people in my life who I have enjoyed spending time with. I hope no one is offended if they aren't on here. But then again not may people read this actually... But I also kind of ran out of time since tonight is New Years and I don't have pictures of everyone and pictures are very important to me... But I am sure you know how I feel about you if you're my friend. If you don't ask me and I'll tell you!

1. My Family. They are pretty cool people most of the time. Sometimes they don't like to talk to me on the phone and would rather play the Wii or sometimes they throw up in my car and it smells for days. But most of the time I can really depend on them and we can have a lot of fun. I enjoy having fiestas with my family and also having random dance parties with them. They are good to me since I'm a pain and still hanging around when I probably should be married and not so available to them, but they put up with me and that means a lot to me.

2. Julie. She is my Aunt through marriage and she is my favorite! Whenever we have a bad day we go to Chili's and have chips and salsa and just vent and talk to each other. I can seriously talk to her about anything! It's so awesome having someone like that in your life. I really appreciate her so much and I am so lucky to have had the opportunity to get to know her better this year! I feel bad that my ex kind of stalked her house for a while since I was living there at the time, but she originally set me up with him, so it wasn't entirely my fault. Haha! I feel like she and I have gotten closer this year and I'm really grateful for that.3. Stewart. I kind of consider this dude my best friend. He has really been amazing the past year and a halfish. We have fun together... at least I think so. We can talk just about anything and we have similar taste in movies so it's nice to be able to be able to hang out with someone and not have to worry about it being awkward or weird. I don't have to worry about what I'm wearing or what I look like when we hang out, which is super refreshing, and he has never ever judged me which is pretty rare in this world. He's awesome because he introduced me to Les Miserables... that's good stuff there. I feel super lucky to have someone like him in my life!4. Allie. I am very lucky to get along with the people I work with... most of the time. I actually interviewed Allie and knew right away that I wanted to hire her. We have so much fun at work. It sometimes doesn't seem like work when we are laughing so hard we can't breathe. She is gorgeous, stylish, spiritual, funny, smart, compassionate and super fun! (The list could honestly go on and on) We have a very open relationship and can tell each other pretty much anything which is refreshing because we don't have to fake around each other. I really appreciate the way that she doesn't skip around things and just tells me bluntly what's going on. She never tries to hurt my feelings with her honesty but she does want to make me a better person in every way!5. Aaron. I met Aaron right before New Years last year and we have had a great year getting to know each other better! We went to San Diego for a weekend and he took me snow boarding. Plus we have seen countless movies, went hot tubbing, and have eaten a lot of food. He took me to my very first scary movie in the theater this past year and that was intense, and pretty fun. He's a great guy! Sad that he moved to Provo so we don't hang out as much anymore. But I really have enjoyed having him around and spending time with him because I really enjoy spending time with people who make me comfortable and who I can be myself around.6.Sami & Courtney. These are two of my cheerleaders and they totally keep me sane! I forget sometimes that these girls are still in high school and way younger than I am. I can talk to them about anything and we can be sassy and silly with each other and it's really awesome. It might seem silly that I am so close to girls who are so young, but I don't know what i would do without them. They really make me feel special and needed... and not everyone in my life does that for me. I was sick in this picture so don't judge.

Work

Most days I really enjoy my job at the Chiropractic Office… Especially days like yesterday. Allie and I got a scrub magazine in the mail, which we were very excited about, probably one of the highlights of our day. Anyway we noticed how all the models always tuck in their scrub tops. It looks awful and retarded, but we thought that we would give it a shot. We are super sexy and super awesome! You cannot deny that! So lucky to get to work with her! She is amazing! And she likes to wear Dr. Woodmansee’s pj’s and we dance to Saturday's Warrior in order to reactivate Dr. Gordon. Can you guess which song? All of these things happened yesterday at work. Good times!

Favorite Memories of 2010....

I feel like I have done a lot this year... Well at least a lot has changed. Not in the certain aspects that I wish they would, but in other ways. So let's talk good memories of 2010.

1. Sledding at Soliders Hollow. It was actually tubing but I had a blast! The best part was using the kiddy tubes. But I went with Shelly and Aaron and it was free. Almost anything free is awesome! Doesn't get much better than that!2. Vegas Birthday Weekend. It was a fun weekend! And yes birthdays should have an entire weekend or week devoted to them! I am a very strong believer of the birthday week. It was both mine and my friend Shelly's birthday so she and I, her boyfriend at the time Neil and Stewart all headed to Vegas. The drive down was nuts because it was snowing like a ton and the roads were a mess. When we finally got there early in the AM Neil, who had never been to Vegas before, was simply amazed! Every sign we passed with a half dressed lady or anything at all really got an "Oh" or an "Awww" from him. It was definitely entertaining. It was also fun because my Dad and Jason were in Vegas and we got to spend one night with them. That night wass less enjoyable because Neil snores like a freight train! It was no bueno! My boss Dr. Woodmansee was also there and we got to meet up with him for dinner... he's always good for a laugh. I was also able to meet up with Brandon an old friend from high school which was awesome! We had a great time and even went and saw the Hoover Dam. And Neil saw Beyonce in Burger King.

3. Kim, Chris & Cortney Move to Town. This is probably one of the best things of the year! I have had so much fun spending time with them, especially Cortney. Let's be honest, I am her favorite and so it works out really well to be able to see her more often.

4. Conference With the Family. We got to go to Conference in April in the conference center and then continued the tradition of ladies night out at Red Robin while the dudes head to priesthood. I always love it when I get to spend time with my family... Jake is always good for a laugh and Ryan is pretty fun to hassle. But we had a great time!

5. Coaching. This is one of the best things to ever happen to me in my life! I am so excited about coaching, and most days I love it! It's so fun being able to teach and help these girls become better at something they enjoy doing. I totally blend in with them and everyone thinks I'm a high school student, which I'm sure someday I will really appreciate, but right now that's not so much the look I'm going for. But it probably doesn't help that half the time I act like a high school student... my bad.

6. OTH. This may be the number one thing.... why didn't I write these in order of awesomeness??? Probably because I am just randomly thinking of memories... memories with pictures. Haha. Anyway I love the show One Tree Hill... okay I use to love it, kind of going downhill these days. But anyway back in January they came to Park City to film the season finale. So Allie (the best coworker ever!) and I decided to head up there after work one day to watch and hopefully get to see some of the actors. In case you didn't already know, I am addicted celebrities! I get on people.com and tmz.com like 12 times a day. And the magazines!!!! I just love it all! Anyway not only did we get to watch them film a scene over and over and over again in the cold. But we got to meet 2 of the actors... Skills and Mouth. Mouth is actually an actor also from Boy Meets World, and we all knkow how I feel about that show! It was great! We also got to talk with the director Mark Schawn. It was one of the BEST THINGS EVER!

7. Weekend to San Diego. So my friend Aaron is from San Diego and randomly asked if I wanted to take a quick trip for the weekend down that way. Of course I said yes! It was a crazy trip and one speeding ticket and one blow out in Vegas later, we arrived. His family so so much fun to spend time with and made me laugh! We got to go to the beach and I also got to see my Aunt Cheryl and cousin Michael and his daughter Lily. And I also drove on a California highway by myself! And I survived! Tell you what though... I thought I was going to die! Thank goodness I was driving a truck! The best part may have been Aaron walking into the resurant without his shirt on (who does that?) oh and we also went to that place like 3 times in the 2 days we were there! Or maybe it was the bike rides! Everyone there rides those old fashioned bikes, so that's what we did. Right along the beach. And his niece Savannah totally attached herself to me the entire weekend. She was adorable! Great weekend!

8. Jake Gets His Eagle! Or Mom got Jake's Eagle... Haha. Not really Jake did a great job working for it! It was so fun to have the entire family together and to get that special video message from Jason. We all got to go fishing, which Grandpa (aka Dad) really enjoyed because he got to take his granddaughter fishing for the first time. I even had a good time fishing! That says something! We all even made a music video to send to Jason... if that's not bonding I don't know what is!

9. Waxing. So I decided to try to solve the problem of the hairy arms. The dark hairy arms. This was a mistake... one I have not made since. I burned and bruised and got all cut up! How I got cut I have no idea... but it was a disaster!

10. Snowboarding. So fun! So painful! So worth it! Really glad that I got to end the year doing something new. I'm lucky to have such good friends to invite me and to be patient enough with me to ask me to go!

11. Random Moments. And here's to all the other random good times throughout the year that are important enough to talk about individually.