Gratitude....

In the midst of depression and being scared for my family and my brother I have been too selfish. I haven't been as grateful as I probably should be for certain things in my life. I think that when times get hard I should be more grateful and this will help keep the spirit in my life and to remember that things will get better and that it's always darkest before the dawn (please please think of Harvey Dent when I say that). Plus I'm missing my super long hair right now... I know it's been like almost 2 months since I cut it and it's still long but I'm missing it.... Anyway five things that I am grateful for today:

1. Family. I am mostly grateful for my family everyday. Seriously the things that I say and talk about and they put up with it are insane. They are constantly expressing their concern and love for me. Not with the "L" word because for some reason that's not how we do it in my family, but through other words and deeds. They are my strength and my backbone. They have always been there through my dumb mistakes (tattoo, boys, etc...) but they always encourage me to do better. They uplift me and make me want to be better. I am so grateful that I will be able to spend eternity with these good people. I couldn't imagine eternity without them.

2. Summer. The weather has finally decided to play nice and I love it! I am in such a better mood when it's sunny and hot, than with any other type of weather. I enjoy being outside at night when you don't have to wear a hoodie to stay warm. I love the feeling of the sun on my skin. It's so comforting to me to be warm. I feel safe in the sunlight. Let's be honest, no one is going to attack me when I'm in broad daylight. They may scratch my CD in broad daylight, but they won't attack me.

3. The Gospel. Sorry I'm about to get churchy... The Gospel is a huge part of my life! It has made me who I am and has helped me to see more clearly the way I need to be living. Of course there have been times in my life when I have felt as though the Gospel was restricting me, but I have come to learn that the Gospel is what frees you. It doesn't restrict you at all. It makes it possible for me to have everything that I have ever wanted, in the way that I want it. Of course I have made mistakes, I use to be pretty darn rebellious. I have to live with a tattoo on my foot for the rest of my life. How am I going to possibly explain that to my children? I am thankful for the teachings of the Gospel that have helped me understand why I live the way that I choose to live. I have a choice. No one can force me to do anything (I am super stubborn). I live the way I do because it's how I want to live. The Gospel teaches me about the atonement and that through the atonement everything can be made possible. Seriously, probably the best thing ever. I used to be a pretty judgmental person, until I screwed up. Allowing to atonement in my life and realizing that good people (because I am a good person despite my weaknesses) sometimes make mistakes, helped me to not judge others, which is also pretty important. The older I get, the more I understand how beneficial and amazing the Gospel is. I am so blessed to have the faith to believe what I believe.

4. I am grateful for Cool Ranch Doritos, or as my family calls them, Blue Chips. Yes, I am wearing sunglasses inside, and yes that is a family sized bag... don't judge me. Basically these chips are amazing. And don't worry that's what I had for breakfast... super healthy. Hey-O.

5. I am grateful for Spencer... okay okay I'm sure I'm getting heavy groans and eye rolling right now but let me explain. It may just under 4 weeks since this spectacular person entered my life but I can recognize a blessing when I see one. I don't know how I would be still standing and still being so positive if he wasn't around during this time. He has a life and so much happening in it yet he still shows so much concern and is always there for me. He puts others first and is one of the nicest people I have ever met in my life! His parents did everything right with him. I can talk to him about anything, he enjoys spending time with my family (bonus), he takes random pictures with me all the time, and really this could go on for days so let's sum it up with he is pure awesomeness. I am pure awesomeness when I am around him, and who doesn't want to be awesome?

That's what I am grateful for today. They may seem silly or unimportant, but to me they all make me happy. I hope that I can begin to focus on those things that I have been blessed with as opposed to those which burden me. I am so blessed and so grateful for so very many things in my life, that it would be a waste to ignore them for petty silly things that won't last.